A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
