When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
