I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
