Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
