dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
