If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
how drunk are you?
Several
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
