are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Every concussion has its silver lining
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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