So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
