my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
