This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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