I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
