So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
So here I am, sexting at work.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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