Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
