Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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