I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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