She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
