he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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