....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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