I cannot find my penis.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
