Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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