Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
