Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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