Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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