Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
