her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
