ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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