I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
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