come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
