I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
