Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
