...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Randomize
