i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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