well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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