we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize