Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Panties = found
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize