please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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