Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
