I could have mohawked her pubes.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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