I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
