How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
