So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
