Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Everything about him screamed your future.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize