Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
