I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
