really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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