Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
