when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
