Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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