I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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