Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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