hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The adults are the big ones right?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
