so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
i need some magic done to my vagina
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
