Got a toothbrush?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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