I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
