Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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