wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
