Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I think people are normalizing furries
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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