I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
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