I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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