It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
