I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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