I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
