She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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