So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
