Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
