I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
