Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
