Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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